Thomas Tuchel’s notes from the sofa: Scribbles, dribbles and few quibbles

Plenty for incoming England head coach to smile about as he tuned into Nations League games on his telly

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Thomas Tuchel was not at Wembley or in Athens in midweek, but England’s incoming head coach will have had plenty to scribble down from the sofa about what he will inherit. He might even have afforded himself his favourite post-win tipple of a gin and tonic on Sunday night.
Watching the comfortable victories over Greece and 10-man Republic of Ireland on television, Tuchel will be even clearer on the strengths of the England squad and some of the big decisions that he will have to make.
Here, Telegraph Sport imagines what Tuchel’s notes from his sofa might have looked like as he prepares to mastermind England’s 2026 World Cup bid.
Reece James might have to wait a while. Bayern Munich, I hate to say I told you so. Well actually, no I don’t – I was right all along when I tried to sign Walker. People keep telling me that he’s getting old and that he’s slowing down. Ha!
Did those people see how quickly he recovered to stop a Greece attack when England were struggling? Did they take any notice how easily he switched to centre-back, when Ezri Konsa went off and how easy he found it against Ireland.
I know, I know, he will be 36 when it’s the World Cup, Trent’s looking good and Reecey is getting fit again. But can I really trust Reecey won’t get injured just when I need him? I’ll need some leaders, too, and Walker is definitely one.
Apparently the England fans don’t like three at the back, or so that guy at the FA tells me. Bullingham? Bellingham? One of them. Surely the Chelsea fans will remember that’s how I won the Champions League, but maybe I’ll have to work on a new plan.
Walker, Stones and Guehi look like the perfect back three – Trent or Reecey on the right, Shaw or Gordon – another player I wanted to sign – on the left. But I might not be popular if I go back to Gareth Southgate’s old formation.
Gordon’s off the mark now for England and there’s also Bellingham, Saka, Foden, Palmer, Grealish and Madueke. Bowen scored. How am I going to fit them all in?
Well, not with three at the back, even if I did try that idea I once had of converting Gordon into a wing-back. Maybe I’ll start with a back four and I can always go back to three if something goes wrong.
I LOVE Bellingham. Oh my God, what a player, what a leader. No surprise he won the penalty.
But I’ve got to tell him to let me scream at the referees. Both bookings against Greece and Ireland were for complaining to the referees. I love to shout at referees, so I’m a good one to talk, but I need him on the pitch.
I should not have told Eric Dier that I’d get him back in the England team when I signed him for Bayern Munich. Oh well, I’ve got a new FA number and I’ll have to delete his if he gets hold of it.
Stones, Guehi, Konsa, Walker playing in the centre, Branthwaite. Even Harwood-Bellis, nice header. No, hopefully Eric will just forget that chat we had. Or I’ll just blame Harry Kane and claim he told me to say it.
Is it me or did half these England players come through Chelsea? Guehi and Gallagher for the third goal at Wembley. Livramento, Hall. I’m sure I read that Jose had Solanke. Then there’s Rice and, of course, Reecey. And Mount. Wow, what happened to him? I’ll have to dig out his number.
Maybe I should have paid a bit more attention to the youth teams when I was at Chelsea. No matter now. They might not all be Chelsea’s anymore, but at least they are all mine – for 18 months anyway.
If only I had Kanté with me at Bayern – there is no way we would have thrown that semi-final away against Real Madrid. I told a few people at Chelsea that Gallagher was the English Kanté – or at least as close as you are likely to get to him.
I thought he might be in trouble when he was booked early in Athens, but what a performance – and the ground he covered. Same against Ireland. Winning the ball high, getting back and scoring a goal.
Why do I hear so much about having problems in the centre of midfield? Rice will be back. I’ll have to get up to Liverpool to see more of Curtis Jones and a few trips to Madrid to see the English Kanté will be great. I can hook up with Azpilicueta for lunch while I am there, too.
I thought German players are good at taking penalties. But Kane has to be one of the best. And what a pass for the penalty he scored against Ireland. It still seems crazy that we did not win a trophy at Bayern with Harry. How is that even possible?
Lee Carsley did me a favour by giving Ollie Watkins a start in Athens, but I am going to need Harry on top form if we are going to get that second star by winning the World Cup. Second star – I need to remember to keep saying that when I start in January. The FA loves it.
No Nations League play-off, thank God. Roll on the World Cup qualifying draw. December 13. Don’t forget.
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